scratching the itch: why i'm closing up shop.

Creativity is connected to your passion, that light inside you that drives you. That joy that comes when you do something you love. That small voice that tells you, ‘I like this. Do this again. You are good at it. Keep going.’ That is the juicy stuff that lubricates our lives and helps us feel less alone in the world.
— Amy Poehler

Flashback to October 2014. I had just celebrated my 29th birthday, in style I might add, my best friend and birthday twin by my side in Brooklyn. Just days before, I had joyfully wrapped up my 28-day clean eating program, celebrating just as hard as I had worked to put the program together. 

It started out as an itch. Not the red, rashy kind, because ew. And I'm not about sharing that here. No. Ew. No. (Though, if you have one, I'd pull out the lavender oil, if I were you. Maybe a little melaleuca. Just sayin'.)

Rather, it was a soul itch. The kind that starts out feeling like something's amiss and transforms into a oh-my-god-that-feels-good euphoria as you start to scratch it. I tried to ignore it. I would attempt to focus on to-do list only to have it call out louder. Scratch me, damnit. I'd pinch other areas of my life, in hopes that it would do something to distract me from the urge to scratch. Nope. The voice, though it would dim for a time, would come back with even more force. 

Despite my obvious lack of personal clarity, through the soul itch, little nuggets o' truth would make their way to me. Write more. Presence. Slow down. Expand. However, to one vehemently attempting to ignore her soul's calling, these nuggets sounded like gibberish.

In November, as I held my hands to my ears, humming loudly to drown out my desires, I decided that I needed to focus more on my "future" and less on my present business. So, I searched for - and landed - a job. One of those 9-5ers. A consistent paycheck and a defined job description.

In January, I started. And, in January, I resigned. Now, don't get me wrong, the job was great. Great people, great office, great boss. Wrong fit. Wrong time. I'm grateful for the leadership and understanding and deep respect that flourished as we realized and recognized that, despite everything being great on paper, this was not where I belonged right now. 

There's something about the wrong fit that illuminates the right path. The emotional friction caused by the experience began a subconscious scratching at that soul itch. And for once, I'm starting to listen. And it feels so, so good,  like I'm clicking into place.

In my second year in business, I cannot ignore the call to expand. Expand my programs, expand my reach, expand my business, yes, yes, yes. But, more importantly, to expand and incorporate all the great loves of my professional life. Nutrition and movement. Gratitude and abundance. Self-love and freedom. Writing and workshops.

I've done the math. Of over 100 blog posts in the past year, more than half have been the stuff of the soul, with barely a quarter focused exclusively on health and nutrition. I'm going to take the hint and get on board with my soul-fueled self. 

To do that, I'm closing up shop for the month of February.

What exactly does that mean? I'm going on sabbatical, haitus, a winter work break. While I'll be missing from the blog-o-sphere for a few weeks, I'm beyond excited to bring back a spring full of fresh content. I'll be noticeably absent from Facebook and Twitter (a fact that, I'll be honest, feels a bit like freedom), taking time to reconnect and get present with my real-life social networks. I'll be writing and tweaking, planning and creating. Pulling back to move forward.  I'm gettin' down with my introverted self for the next four weeks.

See you in March, babes!

xo kate